19 Funny Roasts to Say to New Parents

Welcome to the fun side of parenting! If you’re looking to share a chuckle with new parents who are navigating the beautiful yet often chaotic world of raising a child, you’re in the right place.

Our list of 19 funny roasts is a playful nod to the sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, and the countless ‘firsts’ that come with being new parents.

These lighthearted jabs are perfect for adding a little humor to the rollercoaster ride of parenthood.

From the peculiarities of baby talk to the newfound appreciation for quiet moments, each roast is a humorous reflection of the joys and trials faced by new moms and dads.

Let’s embrace the laughter that comes with this incredible journey and enjoy some good-natured fun at the expense of new parenting adventures!

#1 – “Congrats on your new alarm clock that doesn’t have a snooze button!”

  • Teasing about the relentless wake-up calls from a newborn.

#2 – “Enjoy your new, very demanding, tiny boss!”

  • A humorous take on how the baby now runs the show.

#3 – “Welcome to parenthood! Where ‘sleeping in’ means getting up at 6 AM.”

  • A funny observation about the dramatic shift in sleep schedules.

#4 – “I guess you can now hold a PhD in diaper changing!”

  • Celebrating their newfound expertise in a less glamorous aspect of parenting.

#5 – “Your house is so quiet now… said no new parent ever.”

  • A witty comment on the constant noise and chaos in a house with a newborn.

#6 – “You’ve officially traded in fine dining for baby food taste testing.”

  • A light-hearted jab at the culinary sacrifices of new parents.

#7 – “Remember when you thought assembling baby furniture was the hard part?”

  • A playful reminder of how challenging yet rewarding parenting is.

#8 – “Parenthood: Where every day is a surprise party… of new smells and sounds!”

  • A humorous take on the unexpected aspects of parenting.

#9 – “So, have you learned to function entirely on coffee and baby smiles yet?”

  • A nod to the new normal of running on minimal sleep.

#10 – “Welcome to an endless loop of ‘Wheels on the Bus’!”

  • Teasing about the repetitive nature of children’s music.

#11 – “Your new exercise routine: Running after a crawling baby.”

  • A funny observation about the physical demands of keeping up with a baby.

#12 – “Isn’t it cute how you thought you’d still have a social life?”

  • A playful tease about the major lifestyle adjustments.

#13 – “Who knew a tiny human could produce more laundry than an entire football team?”

  • Highlighting the surprising increase in household chores.

#14 – “You’re now fluent in interpreting different types of cries!”

  • Acknowledging their new skill in baby language.

#15 – “Remember quiet romantic dinners? No? Neither do new parents.”

  • A humorous look at how date nights change.

#16 – “Ah, the joy of discovering new stains on your clothes daily!”

  • A light-hearted jab at the messiness of parenting.

#17 – “Your car is now a traveling nursery!”

  • Teasing about how the car is filled with baby essentials.

#18 – “Parenthood: When a shower feels like a luxury spa day.”

  • A witty comment on the rarity of personal time.

#19 – “Welcome to the world of unsolicited baby advice from everyone!”

  • A humorous nod to the barrage of parenting tips new parents receive.

As we reach the end of our playful journey through the world of new parenthood, it’s clear that laughter can be as essential as diapers and baby wipes.

These 19 roasts offer a light-hearted look at the whirlwind of joy, challenges, and surprises that come with welcoming a little one into your life.

From mastering the art of sleep-deprivation to becoming a connoisseur of baby food, the adventures of new parents are both unique and universally hilarious.

So, the next time you find yourself in the company of new moms and dads, don’t forget to share a chuckle or two with these roasts.

After all, in the world of parenting, a good laugh is often the best way to keep the spirits high and the memories even brighter.

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