Are you ready to unleash a barrage of chuckles and chortles? Now you can with our collection of 32 roasts tailor-made for your brother.
Whether he’s the prankster of the family or the protective big bro, these jests are a hilarious way to show your love and keep the sibling rivalry fun and lively.
Each roast is a playful nod to those classic brotherly traits, from his questionable fashion choices to his legendary gaming skills.
So, whether you’re looking to spice up a family gathering or just want to send a cheeky text, these roasts are sure to bring laughter and strengthen those unbreakable brotherly bonds.
Top 32 Roasts to Tell Your Brother
- “You’re the best at being the worst at everything.”
- A playful way to say he’s uniquely skilled, even in not being skilled.
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- A humorous way to point out when he’s off the mark in his opinions or decisions.
- “You have the perfect face for radio.”
- A classic roast implying he has a great voice but maybe not a face for TV.
- “Your cooking makes me miss cafeteria food.”
- A lighthearted jab at his culinary skills or lack thereof.
- “If laziness were an Olympic sport, you’d be a gold medalist.”
- Teasing him for being laid back or inactive.
- “You’re like a software update. Every time I see you, you need to recharge.”
- A witty comparison to how he might always be low on energy or sleeping.
- “You’re the reason I’m an only child at heart.”
- A fun way to say he makes you wish you were an only child sometimes.
- “You could be a part-time model… for scarecrows.”
- A playful poke at his fashion sense or appearance.
- “Your jokes are so bad, they’re good.”
- Teasing about his sense of humor, which might be cheesy or dad-joke level.
- “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
- A humorous way to say he occasionally makes questionable decisions.
- “You’re as useful as a white crayon.”
- A funny way to say he’s not always the most helpful.
- “If there was an award for laziness, you’d probably send someone to pick it up for you.”
- A joke about his tendency to avoid effort.
- “Your sense of fashion is so unique, even thrift shops don’t get it.”
- A lighthearted roast about his possibly unconventional style.
- “You’re the human version of ‘Terms and Conditions’ – everyone ignores you.”
- A playful comparison to something universally overlooked.
- “You’re proof that the best things in life are not free. I’d have paid to pick my sibling.”
- A humorous way to say he’s a handful or challenging at times.
- “Your idea of a hard day’s work is deleting old emails.”
- Teasing him about his work ethic or lack of it.
- “If being annoying was a crime, you’d be serving a life sentence.”
- A fun way to say he can be irritating sometimes.
- “You’re like a slinky – not really good for much, but bring a smile when pushed down the stairs.”
- A humorous and slightly dark way to say he’s amusing but not always practical.
- “You should carry a plant around to replace the oxygen you waste.”
- A playful insult about his contribution to the world.
- “You’re the GPS of my life – always taking me on unnecessary detours.”
- Saying he often leads you astray or complicates things.
- “Even autocorrect gave up on you.”
- Implying he often makes mistakes or doesn’t make sense.
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
- A light-hearted way to say things are better when he’s not around.
- “You’re so dense, light bends around you.”
- A science-themed roast about his intelligence.
- “I’d insult you, but you’re not bright enough to notice.”
- A sneaky way to insult his intelligence.
- “You’re the human equivalent of a participation award.”
- Implying he’s not outstanding, but he still gets acknowledged.
- “If being sarcastic burned calories, you’d be invisible by now.”
- Teasing him for being overly sarcastic.
- “You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope they don’t die.”
- A comical way to say he’s not very smart.
- “You’re about as reliable as a paper umbrella.”
- Saying he’s not dependable.
- “You’re like a penny – two-faced and not worth much.”
- A playful jab at his value and consistency.
- “You’re the missing link between apes and humans.”
- Teasing him about being primitive or uncivilized.
- “Your room is so dirty, even bacteria won’t live there.”
- A funny way to comment on his cleanliness.
- “You’re like a mosquito – annoying and pointless.”
- Saying he can be irritating and not particularly useful.