Navigating the tricky waters of post-breakup communication can be a challenge, especially when your ex decides to send an unexpected text.
It’s a situation many of us find ourselves in, often at a loss for words.
How do you respond in a way that’s witty, assertive, and lets them know where you stand without reopening old wounds?
This list of 33 comebacks offers a range of responses, tailored for those moments when you want to keep things light yet impactful, showing that you’re in control of the conversation.
#1 – “New phone, who’s this?”
- This response feigns ignorance of the ex’s identity, humorously suggesting they are now a stranger and highlighting your disinterest in maintaining contact.
#2 – “Sorry, I’m busy living my best life.”
- A comeback that emphasizes your focus on personal happiness and growth, subtly indicating that the ex is no longer a part of your life or your future plans.
#3 – “Oh, I thought I blocked this number.”
- Implies that you had intended to cut off communication entirely, signaling a strong desire for distance and independence.
#4 – “I’m sorry, who is this?”
- Pretending not to remember your ex can be a light-hearted way to show that they no longer have a significant impact on your life.
#5 – “Thanks, but I’ve upgraded.”
- A confident way to indicate that you’ve moved on to better things (or people) and are no longer interested in revisiting the past.
#6 – “Hmm, I don’t recall asking for your opinion.”
- Useful when an ex offers unsolicited advice or criticism, reminding them that their opinions are no longer relevant or valued.
#7 – “Is this a test to see if I’ll block your number?”
- Suggests that their contact is unwelcome and might finally prompt you to block them, establishing a firm boundary.
#8 – “I’m surprised your ego fit into this text.”
- A witty retort to an ex who may have been arrogant or self-centered, highlighting one of the reasons why the relationship ended.
#9 – “Whoops, I almost cared for a second there.”
- Demonstrates indifference and emotional detachment in a humorous and light-hearted way.
#10 – “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m too busy thriving without you.”
- Emphasizes your personal success and happiness post-breakup, implying that their absence has been beneficial.
#11 – “I believe you have the wrong number; this is someone who moved on.”
- Another playful way of saying that you’ve progressed past the relationship and are focusing on the future.
#12 – “Your text must’ve lost its way like you did.”
- A metaphorical way to address how they drifted or went astray in the relationship, leading to its end.
#13 – “Unsubscribe.”
- Likens their message to an unwanted subscription, humorously suggesting you want no further communication.
#14 – “Error 404: Interest not found.”
- A tech-themed way to express a lack of interest, implying that any feelings you once had are now gone.
#15 – “Still great at unsolicited messages, I see.”
- A subtle dig at their habit of intruding or communicating without invitation, reminding them that this behavior was perhaps a problem.
#16 – “I’d look forward to hearing from you, but I’m not a liar.”
- A clever way to say that you have no interest in hearing from them, wrapped in a layer of humor.
#17 – “I thought this was a no-ghost zone.”
- If your ex had a habit of ghosting, this response wittily calls out their past behavior.
#18 – “I prefer texts from people I actually like.”
- Direct and to the point, this comeback makes it clear that they are not someone you are fond of.
#19 – “You must’ve mistaken me for someone who cares.”
- A blunt way of saying that their presence and communication are of no consequence to you.
#20 – “My life’s been better since ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode.”
- Suggests that you’ve found peace and improvement in your life by not having them in it.
#21 – “Oh, a blast from the past I’d rather forget.”
- Indicates that you view the relationship as a closed chapter and prefer to leave it in the past.
#22 – “I don’t entertain history lessons.”
- A witty response implying that revisiting anything to do with them is as unappealing as a dull history lesson.
#23 – “I’ve upgraded my life; please try again later.”
- Suggests that you have moved on to better things and are no longer available for their attempts at communication.
#24 – “Seems like your text took a wrong turn at ‘we broke up’.”
- A humorous way to remind them that the relationship has ended and their messages are no longer appropriate.
#25 – “Sorry, I only accept texts from people of importance.”
- A cheeky way of saying they are no longer important or influential in your life.
#26 – “This number is now reserved for people who matter.”
- Similar to #25, it underscores that they no longer hold a special place in your life.
#27 – “I left this relationship in the recycle bin.”
- Likens the ended relationship to something discarded and forgotten, emphasizing your desire to move on.
#28 – “Congratulations on finally learning how to use your phone.”
- Sarcastic, especially if your ex was poor at communication during the relationship.
#29 – “I’m allergic to BS, and this text is causing a reaction.”
- A playful yet direct way to indicate that you have no patience for insincerity or game-playing.
#30 – “I’d reply, but I already closed that chapter.”
- Indicates that you consider the relationship a closed chapter and have no intention of revisiting it.
#31 – “Oh, it’s my least favorite blast from the past.”
- Combines humor and bluntness to convey your lack of enthusiasm for their reappearance.
#32 – “I’m sorry, my phone doesn’t accept texts from the past.”
- A creative way of saying that you’re focused on the present and future, not on past relationships.
#33 – “This is an automated message: Please stop texting.”
- A humorous approach that mimics an automated response, suggesting that any further communication is pointless.